Thanks

Thanks for taking the 1st step ... I really feel sorry to those I was pissed with ...

Firendship? or just Inter-dependence?

Hey blog:)

to ________ : I am pretty sure you had an idea about what happened today. And I think you do know that we were TOTALLY disappointed in you for you've done to us... but I am really curious why you chose to do that... But then we sorta he hao...

I seriously don't understand why you have to do that to me right before I wanted to leave school, after a very fine and happy day... You've never shouted at anyone before... but you just had to do that to ME, who was referred to as a 'bestie' on your present for me. Such a sweet present and now you have to do this to me and hurt me. Do you know how shocked I was when you used that face and that tone to scold me? In addition, I don't see why you have to scold me like that when all I did was looking for someone I needed to look for. Like what I wrote in my pm, I may still smile when I am hurt...but it doesn't mean I am not hurt... Are you sure you are able to control your feelings like that? Do you know how much I wanted to cry on my way home? I really thought I could just not care about what you said and try to be friendly and treasure the friendship...but you just had to do this to me... sth you've never done to most people before.

Then I start to question friendship. Does friendship mean that you are that close to the person that you feel the person won't mind you hurting her like this? No! I always felt that it was hard for you to open up your secrets and thoughts to me ... but I didn't insist on prying it out of you. But I thought if you wrote that I am a BESTIE, then I am one ... for you. But I really don't know why you have to neglect our friendship this far... I really feel disappointed ...

I feel that I already lose faith and trust in believing that taking the 1st step will help to heal the wound. I always take the 1st step but why can't you appreciate it at least? Please don't let me leave 2010 with regret. Please... Please... Please...

Lastly, I would like to say thank you to ______ . Thank you for supporting me, understanding me and always there for me... Also, thanks to my lunch-mates for making lunch happy for me .... and thanks to my blog who listens no matter what happens...

To ________ : I really want to know why you did that to me... but I don't think I will want to take the first step again and I don't have the courage to as well... if you wouldn't, then let's just try our best to maintain a better relationship then...

My friend...my secret

Dear bloggie... hi... I kinda want to write what I want to say for what happened yesterday

I really don't exactly want to be pissed or anything for this... but it's just that I feel that I don't exactly understand her now... If I already let her know part of the secret, then she should do her part as my friend and keep it for me... at least in my point of view, that secret shouldn't be something you will joke with others about. I don't really have the energy to be angry ... but I kinda feel disappointed. I don't really know how you feel but according to me, you shouldn't tell that to people who are not that close to me. I just want to let you know that when I was curious about you in that same area, but I didn't try to force you to say it cos maybe you didn't want me to know abt it. But yesterday, when she started to talk abt what you told her, you added on to my shock by saying " then ___ is ____?" Do you know how disappointed I was at that time? I really want you to understand me... I don't want to blame you and I just want to take it as a joke but I hope you will think more for me at least...consider my feelings...cos I rly want to treasure our friendship... as much as possible..

So please...I don't intend piss you off or flame you...but I hope you can understand me more and know that I do mind things that I may not mind on the surface...

And lastly, I LOVE YOU (as a friend) heehee

sinking...

Now I dont quite care whether I got in or not... but just that I am really... I just try my best not to think abt it.. then when I see it... I really feel my heart sinking...sad...sad...sad...

National day:(

I was really looking forward to National day when I was a sec 1. I thought everyone could go you noe... Ok.. I admit that my drill is not as good as Ruth's but at least I feel I am better than some ppl...Really sad now... Not saying pear is not good ... of course pear is good but others are not as good right? REALLY SAD NOW... I cried like 1 min ago for this... I thought it was so fun to march then you salut...SAD:(

SCHOOL REOPENS

Argh!
Tmr is the 1st day of T3! I still have 3PTs, Hw and... I just don't really want to go back to sch. Not that I don't like the ppl there or anything. Just that when there is really a lot of stress and I don't know how to deal with it, I get really frustrated and angry. I'm really afraid that when I am angry, I'll hurt ppl around me or do things that I shouldn't be doing. I'm always aware when I am angry and I always pray that no one comes to talk to me so at least I wont vent my frustrations onto them. I always control my emotions but I know I still can't do it well. It's really tiring when you have so much work and have to face difficulties everyday.
I know that there are a lot of things I cant really do about but I know what I sould at least try to do.
I can't be sure whether I can be awake and not dream during class or be nice to everyone.
But I'll try my best to at least control more of my emotions when I am angry or simply pissed... just try to forgive and forget since everyone have mistakes....
Aiya... I dont know why am I like this ... sometimes I can be so forgiving that I am shicked but sometimes i can be so selfish that I cant stand myself...
People say if you are born with AB blood, then you have split personalities so 2 AB blood ppl can play mahjong and if you are born saggitaurus, you also have split personalities... So the problem is... I am born with AB blood + Saggitaurus... does that mean I play mahjong by myself???
Actually, If I come to think abt it now, its true that I always change what I think ... kinda like split personalities...
Scary...
Haha...
Kinda late now but I drank white coffee today so Im not sleepy...
white coffe!!!!
Taste wonderful!!!!! Yayy!

Bye ... see you tmr....( as in the blog)
:)
Love,
Awesome Yifan

Yayy! backk from China

Fathers day

Its really fun cos mama and baba brought me to karaoke. So fun! But I noe why she cried. She miss her father too on this special day ... but I didn' noe how to console her or anything so the only thing I could do was to act like I didn't noe why she cried...

back in s'pore

Actually I didn't really wanted to come back cos I could sense the stress from there. Sch... Ballet... Tuitions...Camp... REALLY TIRED OF ALL THINGS HERE! but still...
Nvm... just try to make the best out of everything from now on! Yayy!

Love
The wonderful Yifan!

Hey ppl

Hey ppl.
Sry ... I totally lost patience for that blog... so back for a new blog woth the same URL... hahas..
jyjy for BIO!